Important Message to Moms - Words Matter

What are you saying to your kids? Okay, I mean really saying. Do you realize the messages we send our children while they are in our homes will impact who they are when we launch them in the world?

Scientists have proven that as women we use thousands of words everyday, (I don’t know--did we really need science to tell us that?) I read last week that we women spend between sixteen and twenty thousand words a day. Now, add the MOM factor, and I definitely think we get bonus points!

As you and I spend our twenty thousand words today – what messages are we telling our loved ones, whether directly, or indirectly, about who they are, about what their family thinks of them, about who God is and exactly how He views them?

A huge part of what makes our homes the type of home where our kids can dwell well – are the messages we communicate to them day in and day out through our words. Words are powerful and we can use them to discourage or encourage, sometimes without our awareness. That’s why I believe we need to understand how we can destroy or build up with our words.

I believe two of the most important messages we can repeat to our kids are—you are precious to God and to me and you can make a difference for good in your world, no matter your age. Both seem so simple on the surface, but they say so much and as they become a part of the fabric of our homes, these messages will change the way our children view themselves and their world.

When you tell your children they are valuable, here are some words to use.

A. You are rare – like a one of a kind precious stone. It would be impossible to find another one because God made you exactly how he wanted you to be.
B. You are irreplaceable – I can’t believe God gave you to me –no one and nothing could ever take your place.
C. You are very valuable – I remember my mom saying she wouldn’t trade me for a million dollars. I was convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that my parents would have spent all they had to get me. Hearing this gives children security and it opens up their minds and hearts to understand the truth about the way that God thinks about them.
D. You are worth protecting – let your precious little one know that you will do everything you can to keep him or her safe from the simple things. “No matter what, honey – you will be in your car seat, you can’t cross the street without holding my hand, and when we are in the store you will have to keep your hand on the cart.” Then go on to explain the bigger issues of protecting your child – from strangers or anyone else who may hurt them in any way. Of course we don’t want to instill fear in our children; rather, the goal is to impress on them their worth in your eyes which will protect against outside forces, such as peer pressure, as they grow.

Here are pleasurable ways and practical words to show them how much we love them.

• Give me a hug.
• You make my tummy tickle I love you so much!
• I’ll stop doing what I want to spend time with you
• I’ll always come back
• I’ll never tell you something that’s not true.
• No, you may not go there, do that, eat a tablespoon of sugar
• Yes, you must say please, sit up straight, and go to bed when I say so
• There is nothing you could do or say to make me love you more
• There is nothing you could do or say to make me love you less
• Let’s put that awesome picture on the refrigerator
• I love you too much to let you throw a temper tantrum
• In our family we take turns and we share.
• Thank you, honey – that helped so much.

Just as adults, our children have different love languages. In other words, some of them will grasp the message of our love through the words of affirmation that we say. Others will get our words if we accompany them with an act of service, or physical touch, or special quality time spent together, or a gift. It could be that it will be a combination of all of the above, layered piece upon piece over the course of years that will drill the message deeply into the heart of your child.

One mom told me she recently asked her daughter, “When you were little how did you know that I really loved you?” The daughter quickly replied, “You sang that song that you made up for me all the time.” Let me tell you there will be no Grammy for this song. It just said I loved my little girl.

When I asked my adult son that question, he said, “The difference you made in the smell of my practice clothes, from when I came home to the next morning when they were in my drawer, showed me that you cared.” My daughter said it came from reading our favorite bedtime book that talked about love; she just knew that she was loved.

Someone else said, “I told my children about God’s love; they thanked me and are now passing that message on to their children.”

Now you might be wondering what to do when everything that could go wrong does? When your precious child pushes you over the edge? What happens when all the nice words and platitudes begin to blow up in your face? Days like that come to pass with little ones, but don’t give up. Never give up. Remember the expression, ‘this too shall pass.’ And it will. You can start over every day with new words and actions. Lamentations 3 says, ‘God gives us new compassions each and morning’ and we can pass that grace on to our children. No matter how imperfect we are as moms, and how convoluted our message can get on certain days, if we keep going, our kids will have a great place from which to impact the world positively. We all want the very best for our children – and part of that package is preparing them to go out into the world with what they need to influence it positively. Your words and actions as a mom can make that difference.

Revised from Joyce Newhall 2010